Genitals are awesome. They are these delicious parts of our bodies that give us pleasure. We can have lots of fun on our own with our wonderful genitals, and we can rub them up against other people’s lovely genitals. We can put things inside them, and put them inside things! You can smoosh them and squish them and stroke them and suck them and ahhhh. Genitals.

The person writing this article owns a cunt. I love cunt. I love my cunt and I love lots of other cunts. I love the whole concept of cunt. What they look like, and taste like, how they engorge and swell, change colour, produce rivers of goo, how they come in so many different shapes and sizes.

What I don’t love about cunts, is that so often, society makes an assumption that they only belong to women. Based on our genitals, assumptions are made about what gender we are.  And the same thing happens the other way around: In most polite forms of society, you meet someone’s ‘gender’ before you meet their genitals … society takes one look at the person presenting to them and thinks they know what’s in their pants.

Well I have news for you, society, you don’t.

Being the [proud] owner of a [beautiful] cunt DOES NOT automatically make me a girl. Or a woman. Or female. Or any of the words that describe a gender.

In the same vein, being the [proud] owner of a [beautiful] cunt, who sometimes has sex with other owners of cunts, does not make me a lesbian.

Because, NOTHING so far, in the information you have about these two cunt owning individuals, tells you anything about their gender (let alone their orientation!).

You do not know that I, or any of my cunt-owning lovers, are female, until you find out about our gender.

Making that assumption can at best feel uncomfortable, and at worst, be devastating to those being misgendered, or misgenitalled. This is a particularly sensitive issue when exclusive spaces are set-up, based on gender or genitals.Being the owner of a cunt, and attending a ‘cunt only’ space, is fabulous! But it becomes a whole lot less fabulous if this space then also gets referred to as ‘Women’s Space’. For all the cunt-owning Not Women, suddenly this is space has been denied to them; they may feel like imposters, or invisible. Similarly if you attend a Women’s Space, and it becomes abundantly clear that, by these peoples standards, you must have a cunt in your pants to ‘qualify’, then all of a sudden, the cock that you have between your legs means you are not welcome in this space, and the fear of being ‘discovered’ is not one any of us should be facing.

Put simply:

A room full of people who have cunts, is not a ‘Women’s Space’. And a Women’s Space, is not, necessarily, a room full of people who own cunts.


If you set up a space for ‘women’– you set up a space for women with all types of genitals, (cocks, cunts, anything outside of that binary.)

If you set up a space for ‘men’– you set up a space for men with all types of genitals, (cocks, cunts, anything outside of that binary.)

If you set-up a space for ‘cunt-owners’ – you set up a space forcunt-owning people of all genders (male, female and everyone outside of that binary).

If you set-up a space for ‘cock-owners’  – you set up a space for cock-owning people of all genders (male, female and everyone outside of that binary).

Because GENITALS do not equal GENDER.

Let me explain why I think it is so important that we stop conflating the two.

To understand the gravity of its importance, you first have to understand that it is the authors fundamental belief that SEX (read: sexuality, orgasm, the gooey feelings in your guts, the warm buzz in your loins, the feeling that you’ve had for all time that you couldn’t put a name to when you were a child, the wonderful, beautiful, inimitable sexy energy that living things have) is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. That having it (as much or as little as you like, with others or on your own) is a human right, and it is one that we are ubiquitously and cruelly denying ourselves and others, because of the many bizarre and ridiculous rules we have made around it.

Currently, and throughout the passage of time, when we are born, we are assigned a gender at birth, based on what bits we have. On this planet, we assign the babies that come out with the dangly wotsits Male and the ones who come out with the slitty folds Female. And far more often than should ever have been allowed, if the babies bits are a little ambiguous,someone else decides which genitals the presenting ’anomaly’more closely resembles, and surgically alters the appearance to greater achieve that conformity. So now, we are all splitinto two, neat, camps, based on our bits. Wonderful.

But it doesn’t stop there.

From that very first trip home from the hospital, we are taught; constantly, subtly, and pervasively, about what our ‘gender’ means. What it means to be ‘lrmal’ if you were assigned ‘F’ and what it means to be ‘normal’ if you were assigned ‘M’. These social constructs exist globally, and there is absolutely no escape from them in our society. Once you see it, it becomes terrifying.

From birth we are taught precisely how to live, based on our assigned gender.

This plays out in a million different ways and affectseverything from how we play, learn, dance, talk, cry, fight, earn, keep fit. And yes, most crucially, how we fuck. And by that, I mean: how we seek pleasure from our wonderful pleasure centres – our minds and our bits.

These lessons ACTUALLY WARP OUR PLASTIC BRAINS, but if you want gender – science -neurophysiology then that’s a whole other article.

As you were….

If you were born with one of those slitty foldy bits that meant you were stamped with the ‘F’ gender, but discovered as you grew that you were in fact, Not Female, you can probably imagine how difficult a relationship you might have with your genitals.

If you had been taught, constantly, that your cunt is your gender; that it is your cunt’s fault that you got assigned this ‘womanhood’ that you never wanted, might you not start resenting this wonderful, beautiful, pleasure giving piece of your body?

In the same instance, if your cock symbolises a masculinity that you in no way associate with, if this dangly bit between your legs that is so wonderful and pleasure giving, is the source of all that denied you your non-male identity, might you not find it quite tricky to enjoy it’s beauty and share that beauty with others?

When sex and sexuality is so closely linked to our genitals, and our genitals are so pervasively and societally conflated with our gender, we construct a world where if any of these things don’t match up ‘correctly’ then we have a very turbulent relationship with sex: Sex with ourselves, and sex with other people.

If we keep telling the world, and ourselves that cunt is feminine, cunt is woman; what are we denying our cunt-owning brothers?

If we keep telling the world, and ourselves that cock is masculine, cock is man; what are we denying our cock-owning sisters?

And that’s not even mentioning those whose genitals might not fit neatly into the CUNT/COCK binary, and/or those whose gender might not fit neatly into the MALE/FEMALE binary.

If society often correctly guesses what bits you’ve got…. If the body you live in and the way you present it to the world has never resulted in people making the ‘wrong’ assumption about your bits, then you might be wondering what the big deal is. It might never have occurred to you that gender and genitals are not directly correlating aspects of the human condition. There are a very great number of us for whom our genitalia, our subsequent gender that we were assigned at birth, and the gender that we currently occupy, identify as and express , do not conform to that which we are taught is ‘normal’. There are also a great number of us whose ‘genetic gender’ is not clearly definable by the M/F gender binary, whether that’s because of a variation in our chromosomes (X’s and Y’s), our sex-organs (testes and ovaries) , or our  genitalia (cunts and cocks). Ignorance is easy to overcome, lets’ educate ourselves around queer, trans* and intersex.

Of course the conflation of gender and genitals, and the associated ‘norms’ that these binaries enforce on us, is as devastating to sex and sexual fulfilment to us all: trans* folk, and intersex folk, and cis folk, and all the nuances in-between.Gender binary, and the mistaken causal relationship that A=B(or rather that penis=M and cunt=F) doesn’t serve a single one of us.  And I could write reams about how poorly the current system serves ALL HUMANITY.

In this current system, we set up an exclusive club whereby only the Girls who have the Vaginas and the Boys who have the Cocks are supposed to freely enjoy their sexuality. And we all know that that’s not exactly the case, now, is it?

I understand that the reason many of us have never really thought about this is because of our empirical, evidence gathering.  “most girls I meet have cunts and most boys I meet have cocks” …it’s a rational thought to have.

And that certainly is true of the majority. But we are looking at a majority where by society so strongly defines our gendered roles, and so completely denies us nuance, or grey area, when it comes to gender, that we can never really be sure.

If we were born in an alternate universe, whereby you were not assigned a gender at birth: where by you were given a name, and the bits between your legs were no more relevant than if you had an ‘innie’ or ‘outtie’ belly button, I often wonder just how many of us would fall so neatly into these two camps of F or M (and all the ‘gendered’ attributes like hair length and clothing type and posture and sports etc), and of those, how many would have the ‘corresponding’ genitals that we assign to those genders on this planet?

On this bloody planet, right now, Earth, where we call home, and insist on gendering all our babies using a flawed binary… what spaces do we have available for us to worship our fantastic cunts? Or our beautiful cocks? Or whatever fabulous bits you have ‘down there’?, that don’t automatically assume your gender, or your orientation?

It’s time to let go of the uncompromising rigid framework we have set-up between the physiological bits of our bodies and the societal constructs of gender.  It’s time for fluidity. For choice. For grey area and nuance. It’s time to end the bitter, painful heartbreak that we inflict on ourselves every day when we contort ourselves to fit the norms. It’s time to QUEER THE FUCK UP.